Well, sorry I haven't been updating my school email and my regular email had conflicting issues and wouldn't let me into blogger, but its all better now. Lately I've been trying to get myself out this slump and here are a few things over the past few weeks.
The thing about being an adult is you can make the living room a giant bed, and its okay. :D
Bobby Long Show.
Craftsmen Ship.
Adrian Grenier, despite his tide of followers.
C- Mountain.
Desert Races, that I run off course on.
Waiting in the car.
My Marv Hat.
Ass shot, Not mine haha.
Sick Runners, again not me.
Mmm. Bikers.
Smiley faces and Cons.
Beating ASU.
More UA fans in ASU house.
JERK FANS.
1. step back, how many cheerleaders are getting their education paid for.
Being a Gemini.
Winning my 10K race, I look rough.
Seeing random Stranger wearing my friends clothing line!
Tumble weeds bigger than I.
Giving my a vegetarian friendly hamburger.
Missing the dust storm.
Have it written in Gold!
Little messages.
What I can make my roommate do :D
Winning Suns Tickets on Twitter, and Saying CHANNING FRYE.
It's been a great few weeks, just what the doctor ordered. One thing that made me a little sad was the suns being under .500, and the recent trade. Personally I think it was a great move to make an attempt to be seeded lower in the play offs, but I really thought Goran Dragic could have done wonders if he just would have developed his game and stopped trying to be Steve Nash. My roommate and I said that his "injury" might have attributed to his trade... so living in South Phx where all the broken class is ruined his career at Phx lol. But regardless I will now be watching the Houston Rockets with a better eye. But our trade and loss of first round pick got us Aaron Brooks. Explosive, but I'm really worried about his blending with the Suns. Hopefully his defensive will be as good as his offense. Overall I think the Suns NEED to stay healthy, learn to transition their perimeter game to the inside, and learn to weakside rebound to get chance at the playoffs. Who knows... but I am really liking Orlando, a bit of an underdog .. may it's just my style. I wish I could write more but I have to get to class, but I will leave you with a song!
So, if you have been keeping up with me, you've seen my disappointment. For 2 days I went through cycles of tears and choke ups. Usually I don't cry unless there is some type of frustration involved, and I guess to some degree 4 years of hard work added to my frustration, but this time it was different. For once in my life I was rejected. I know it sounds conceited but I'm not the type of person that puts myself out on a limb if I know what I am trying to do is unattainable-- kind of a "in my league" type of thought process. Some girls cry over boys, but I cry over school I guess. People keep telling me yeah, it's just a school... but what people don't understand is that I am just school. Take that aspect out of my life and I am nothing. It really saddens me to see that. Not because I don't like school, on the contrary in fact, but to know something I pride myself on and have placed at the center of my domain is something I am not even good at. It's like thinking your car is the best, its got a good paint job, always keep clean, always smells good, and yeah there are sometime when it gets dirty or a knick here or there, but regardless you pride yourself on it and the great condition it is in, and then a Ferrari pulls up beside you (darn those international students :D JK) . Same thing here, maybe its a big fish in a little pond effect too, but regardless it still hurts.
I've probably have read over my application 150 times and picked out every aspect that could be considered a flaw. I know it's not healthy, in fact it's turned into an obsession, from diction to grammar, to the hours of work I reported. Maybe they did not believe the work I do, maybe they thought my intentions weren't pure, who knows. All I know is that I've spent hours thinking about why I was not good enough and each time my confidence takes a blow. I think about if I didn't get into that school what about the others, what if I don't even get accepted to my safety school? Will I have to enter the real world? Will I get stuck there? I can't even get into a graduate program, can I even get into medical school? What will happen, where will I work if I don't become a doctor? Short story, will my dreams ever come true? I always thought of my life as a movie. Example when I was younger I thought that because I am so different physically, mentally, and socially from my family maybe I was adopted, but the matching blood types indicate different, so their goes the switched at birth theory. Then I thought maybe I was a twin, but my birth certificate shows that my stork flew solo. Although childish I thought maybe becoming a research physician and going home or other underdeveloped areas to practice was my role. For once I thought that I had a shot at being that girl, the one who makes a change for the better and makes her family proud... but I guess with my denial email I was nothing more than an average girl.
Right now I am in the library and am trying to study for my biochemistry of nucleic acids exam tomorrow but with out these words said in this case written I cannot focus my mind on the present. So if you are reading this and didn't just skip it all, no hard feelings if you did or know someone who did, thanks. Hopefully Davis will accept me, and give me a chance to star center stage.
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Words That Keep me Going
Being in Boston inspired a dream, gave me courage, and filled me with confidence. In Boston
"I fell in Love by the Seaside"
In love with a dream
Seaside By The Kooks.
I feel in love with a dream.
"Some say Love’s a burning building,Love’s a sinking ship, But I like the heat I like the noise"
