Sunday, January 2, 2011

Test of a Good Friend #1. (Rated PG13)

     I had a great time going back To The Motherland.  It's there that I always seemed to be rejuvenated; be it the breath taking scenery, my mothers' (mom+her sisters) stories about their youth, or the endless drive that makes me want to strangle everyone in the vehicle I always feel human when I leave.  One of the main catalysts that complements the major R&R that takes place is reminiscing with my siblings about good/embarrassing/don't-tell-but-we-did-tell-anyway times.  It's a widely know fact that I love playing the "what if game", I feel it always fills empty space and makes for a good laugh, by now it's not so much a thought as it is a habit of issuing questions.  Example: I once asked my roommates if there was one person in the world that they would not "sexercise" (yes I made this word up, not knowing the definition at the time or currently) who would it be?  Answers (said without hesitation) : Ron Jeremy and Carrot Top.  Ha ha ha, boy do they have good interview skills.  
Well back to the point, I got inquisitive and asked my sisters and brother: 

"If a wizard appeared and said I'm going to turn you back into a baby, but you will have knowledge of things that happen in your life (and just in your life), what things would you change?"

Me and the "one who chipped her tooth" :)
     The answers were great.  We got things like, I wouldn't sit too close to the TV because that's why I have to wear these glasses, I would have listened to my mom and not run down the hall and chipped my front tooth, and I would have learned Algebra after the first and second time I took it.  As I was sitting there I kept thinking about all the embarrassing things I have done (believe me I have several stories) and when I came to think about it 80% of my stories involve me embarrassing someone else.  I have this theory, If I don't have anyone with me I will embarrass myself, hence the reason I ALWAYS need someone with me so I can embarrass them.  One of the things I wanted to say in regards to my wizard question is a very embarrassing stories that involved one my partners in crime and long time friend, lets call her Autumn Cat for privacy reasons.  
Me and Autumn Cat.

     It was 2 years ago, November 24th and I was headed up North to Indian Wells, AZ with Autumn and her Dad, Bob Cat.  I packed up the goods including 2 liters of what I thought was cool crisp refreshing fresh spring water; in all fairness it was spring H2O but was quickly turned into a raging river.  For some reason I suffer from a syndrome that makes me ignore everything I am doing and lose sensation until it's too late, and this time was no exception.  Leaving Phoenix I managed to finish my water, ice clumps and all... I had a proud sappy smile like the teachers pet who got their 100th gold star.  Everything was going great, we had the tunes blasting and cutting old people off left and right!  Then we got to Payson, a little pit stop with a full blown casino and the Knotty Pine Cafe, somewhere I've always wanted to eat at so I can say I've had Knotty Pine. We gassed up at the local Texaco, Bob Cat asked if Autumn and I wanted to get food or needed to use the restroom, but we were too busy howling like hyenas at the hillbillies who harassed us yelling "blue-pay-unts"(pants) trying to get our attention at the local Walmart last time we were in Payson to pay attention.  Hopefully from this description you understand that Payson is a mountainy place filled with Bass Proshop Gold Card Members and where 89% had their TV's placed on the Hunting Channel.


Knotty Pine.

  After leaving Payson I got a tingling in my pants, and not he kind where your whole lower body falls asleep from sitting criss cross apple sauce, but the kind that you start to understand when you get out of diapers.  You know the feeling, when your sitting at the dinner table and you kind of have to go, but instead you ignore it because your a big kid and can hold until the end of dinner.  Well like a big kid I kind of ignored it, it became a little harder every mile until we hit Star Valley, a 1/10th spitting image of Payson.  


Right before we entered the small town I got the impression that my bladder was going to explode. Each town/state has it's own reputation Idaho=potatoes, Roswell=Aliens and Star Valley= Traffic Cameras.  Being the Good Recycling Samaritan I disregarded my internal canteen and notified Bob Cat to drive at a whooping 30 mph.  If that wasn't bad enough after the slow zone there was still another 50 miles uphill till the next town.  I sad sat in the back trying to sing, with no skill I may add, to keep my mind off my water satchel busting at the seams.  


Autumn was no help.  Let it be known that Autumn prides herself on being a human thesaurus, even if the word is completely inappropriate-- and she used every word in the dictionary spanish included to describe water, and naturally it started to rain. I counted 178 bumps when we hit traffic about 12 miles from the the nearest ceramic thrown.  By that time I was pretty sure I could taste my own urine, but I couldn't tell if I was tearing because my liquid acid was starting to exist/burn my eyes or because of the discomfort.  


I was dying, I begged Bob Fox to find a camp site, a trailer park, a turn off.  I started rolling around the backseat, "holding" myself, using Lamaze style breathing. That behavior lasted about 9.5 miles before I started yelling at poor Bob Cat.  That's when we saw the most glorious Buckskin Canyon Road sign in the entire world.  I forced Bob Cat to turn off and stop.  luckily with the napkin from the same store that provided the 2 liters of water in my pocket I jumped out of the Suburban dragging Autumn along with me and sprinted into the  at the time dark woods.  


Hopping over sage, rocks, and bushels of poison ivy I used the dim light from the Suburban to located a giant log that was not ceramic but would do.  But before I could hover, Autumn and I made the promise to not look at each other, and what happened on Log, stays on Log.  Well that didn't last long...just then a caribou of vehicles migrated towards us and were probably wondering why two girls were sitting on a log in the middle of no where in the rain.  


At least Bob Cat had the best story when we got to see my family.  Fun Fact: if you are a numbers person you probably realized that I was only 2.5 miles away from the bano and .25 miles away from the sign that would have given me the strength to keep myself contained; but if you aren't no worries.  To this day every time I see that turn off I always think about that log and how my good friend Autumn passed "The Test of A Good Friend #1": Peeing on a log in the rain together.  Well its now offical:
I HAVE PEED ON A (B)log.


Best Friends.

 I know gross story right?  What kind of female am I? Shameless.  But what really got me into writing this story was Jason Mraz's own "personal public" journal. I have been a really big fan of his music before he blew up for "I'm yours" when he was still the "Geek In Pink".

Fun Fact: I'm full of them today, I once let Autumn hear the live version of "I'm Yours" and "Lucky" and all she said was "Gaw, thanks for showing me that wussiest music in the world".... a few months later she was trying to show me the same tunes. ha ha ha, but that could be because she was ignoring me when she was playing Tomb Raider.

Jason Mraz-The Geek In Pink



I used to read a lot of his stuff when I was younger but today was the first time in approximately 2.5 years that I opened his page up.  He's such an amazing writer, truely MR.A to Z and the type of person I aspire to be.  He always has a story, he wants to help the world, he's a world traveler, and is great at what he does.  I once asked my roomates:
If you could chillax with one celebrity in the entire world, who would it be?
I always thought my celeb would be GEORGE CLOONEY<3, but I now I think it would be Mr. Mraz, just because how cool/chill/fun he SEEMS to be, but I could be wrong and he could treat people bad and kick smalls dogs. Proof below:

Jason Mraz- Grati-tube: Assistant



If he is like this, it wouldn't be any different from my current job as an asssitant/homecare provider/maid/yardworker hee hee so I guess it wouldn't be that bad.  But I highly suggest you read his stories they are inspiring, sweet and hilarious simultaneously.  Also check out his latest EP "Life is Good"and watch his other "Grati-tube" videos on Youtube.  


Jason MRAZ- Life is Good




The end.


P.S I my websiode is on the way, keep checking in for it!


Highfives and Handwave 
-BG.

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